


When She Felt Needed

by trekkielibrarian



Series: To the Moon and Back [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: 1950s, A Wrinkle in Time References, Books, Dancing, Developing Relationship, F/M, First Dates, Flirting, Friendship/Love, Holodeck Parties, Holodecks/Holosuites, Swing Dancing, booknerds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkielibrarian/pseuds/trekkielibrarian
Summary: Set in season three, somewhere between Darkling-Before and After
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Series: To the Moon and Back [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896376
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes from A Wrinkle In Time by Madeline L'Engle,

B’Elanna Torres sat on an oversized chair, legs curled to her side, her head resting on the hand she had placed behind her, listening to a soothing voice narrate one of her favorite childhood stories. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been read to. She had vague memories of bedtime stories and tall tales around campfires, but the last time someone had read her a book? She had no idea when that had been. She hadn’t realized how soothing it could be, just sitting back and listening to someone share a book with you. Tom seemed to be getting into the story, creating various voices and getting wrapped up in the plot. She could tell he was enjoying it when he would read a bit faster when he thought the plot was picking up. They had been sitting in the loft of an Italian bookstore for the last hour or so, reading her favorite childhood book, A Wrinkle in Time. She hadn’t read it in years, but as soon as Tom opened the first page and read “it was a dark and stormy night” memories of the book came flooding back. She remembered how compelling she found the Murry family and how, like Calvin, she wished she could be part of them.

 _“Why don’t you cry?”_ Tom’s voice grew soft as he read aloud. Tom was sitting next to her, casually draped over the other side of the chair. Somehow he managed to keep his eyes on the book to read while also sneaking glances her way. She wasn’t sure if he noticed how their legs were now touching. She was trying to focus on his words and not the feeling of warmth coming from him.

 _“I cry much too much. I should be like Mother. I should be able to control myself,”_ Tom continued reading, checking on B’Elanna as she stiffened a bit at those words.

 _“I wish I were a different person,” Meg said shakily. “I hate myself,”_ Tom read. B’Elanna’s hand dropped from her head as the words pierced through her. How many times had she wished the same as a child? If she could just be less emotional, more like a warrior, more human, less Klingon. There was never an easy answer and like Meg, she found herself in conflict all the time. Maybe that was why she had turned to this book so much as a child. But the Murry family’s father returned. Their family cared for each other. Had her parents ever cared for her, or each other, like that? Would she ever find a family to accept her? 

“B’Elanna?” a voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Hmmm?” She looked up at Tom, who had paused his reading, book lowered to his lap and looking at her with a confused expression on his face. 

“You ok? You seemed a bit distracted.” 

“Oh. I guess I was. I was just thinking about why I had liked this book so much as a child.”

“It’s relatable, huh?” Tom gave a knowing smile.

“I don’t even know if I realized it back then. I liked the adventure and the science and the mystery. I liked how Meg learned to be strong. But I don’t know if I realized how much I wished to be part of this family. I guess I was a bit like Calvin-feeling lost and looking for someone to care about me.”

“I can see that. I would have wanted the same thing if I had read it as a kid. I always wanted to escape into the families and worlds I read about.”

B’Elanna gave a small smile. “At least I’m not the only who imagined running away into imaginary worlds. Maybe that’s even why I tried the Academy-to escape the only way I knew how to in the real world.” She stopped at that and gave a derisive laugh. “And look where that got me? Lost in the Delta Quadrant. How nice is that?”

_“Don’t you know you’re the nicest thing that’s happened to me in a long time?”_

She looked up at him in shock. “What?”

“From the book,” Tom explained. “It’s the next line. It’s what Calvin says to Meg.”

“Oh. Right.” B’Elanna felt herself sit back, feeling slightly deflated. “I thought,” she started, embarrassed. There was no way he would have said that about her. What was she thinking? B’Elanna was a lot of things, but being something nice that happened to someone? She wouldn’t be that. She was too moody, too strong, just too much.

Tom started to lift his hand, slowly, and he paused just a moment and looked at her before placing it and place it gently on her arm. Her gaze lifted into his blue eyes. Those damn blue eyes that made her stomach flutter every time she saw them up close.

“Well, I have to say I agree with him,” Tom said quietly. He smiled and took a deep breath before continuing. “You, B’Elanna, are….”

“Hey there you guys are!” an exuberant voice called. Harry Kim and Lyndsey Ballard came clomping up the stairs to the loft. B’Elanna pulled away from Tom and stood up quickly, brushing the skirt of her dress down and looking around for something, anything, that could distract her and keep the blush from rising in her cheeks. They hadn’t been doing anything so why did she feel like she had been caught? 

“Hey Harry, great timing,” Tom chided his best friend. B’Elanna couldn’t help but notice a look pass between them, but she wasn’t sure what exactly it meant. 

“Sorry, but our time is almost up,” Harry explained sheepishly. 

“Thanks for the invite Lieutenant. Harry and I had a great time,” Lindsey said, grabbing hold of Harry’s arm. Now it was Harry’s turn to look like he’d been caught in an embarrassing situation. B’Elanna looked from Lindsey and Harry to Tom and tried to hide her smile.

“Oh really?” Tom asked knowingly. 

“We really need to go,” Harry pushed and started moving Lindsey towards the stairs. 

B’Elanna scooped up the books that were still sitting on the chair and she and Tom shared a laugh. 

“I don’t think Harry has any clue,” B’Elanna said. 

“He really is oblivious, isn’t he? He has such a crush on Lindsey and can’t see that she has one back,” Tom laughed. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your quarters.”

*****

Tom and B’Elanna walked down the corridor. They weren’t walking closely, but B’Elanna noticed that every once in a while, Tom’s fingers seemed to accidentally brush against hers. She wasn’t sure she minded exactly, but she didn’t want to encourage him, so she walked a bit faster and they reached her quarters.

“Thanks again for the invite,” B’Elanna said. “That bookstore was amazing. And I hate to admit it, but you’re not so bad at sailing.” 

B’Elanna mentally kicked herself. Why had she said that and let him know that she thought he was good at something? Stupid, stupid, stupid, B’Elanna.

“Of course. I’m glad you liked it,” Tom smirked. “And I’m looking forward to finishing A Wrinkle in Time. I think it’s off to a good start.”

B’Elanna keyed in the entry to her quarters and the doors swished open. Just as she stepped through, Tom’s hand reached out and pushed the door to remain open.

“Ummm, hey…….” He stammered. “You know that party that Neelix has planned? The morale booster thing?”

B’Elanna groaned. “Yes. I can’t believe senior staff are required to attend. I was hoping to get out of this one. Wasn’t the luau enough to get our morale up for several months?”  
Tom gave a laugh, “Well, you know Neelix. Once he has the okay to do something, he’ll do it as often as he can.” Tom paused and looked nervously at the floor. “Do you, uh….do you want to go with me?”

“Go with you?” 

“Yeah….with me. You know, as, I don’t know, just,” Tom stumbled again over his words, his hands making wild gestures. “Just for moral support.”

“For moral support? Since when do you need help being social, Lieutenant?”

Tom found his footing now and flashed his Tom Paris charm. “I thought you could use the support. You know, I could pick you up, we can make an appearance and we could try to avoid small talk as best we can until we’ve put in enough time until we can leave.” 

“I see,” B’Elanna titled her head, contemplating the offer. She had hoped she could arrange for an emergency in engineering to avoid Neelix’s latest party, but maybe going with Tom wouldn’t be so bad. He was a good buffer and she felt comfortable with him around. Maybe she could survive another Neelix social gathering if he was there. “Ok, I’ll go with you.”

Tom’s smile grew so wide, B’Elanna couldn’t help but grin herself. “Great. I’ll pick you up at 1900.” He stepped back from the door, then stopped. “Remember, dress for the theme. You’ve got to go all out or it’s not as fun.”

B’Elanna just rolled her eyes as the doors swished closed. “Goodnight, Tom.” 

She wasn't even sure what the theme was for this gathering. What had she just gotten into? Maybe an emergency in engineering wouldn't be such a bad idea after all...


	2. Chapter 2

B’Elanna stared at her reflection in the mirror. She thought the whole ensemble was ridiculous. She felt ridiculous. A luau hadn’t been enough. Now Neelix had created a costume party. He called it a sock hop, some mid-20th century thing. She was sure that Tom had put him up to this one-it seemed like such a Tom type of party. Loud music, costumes, and dancing. Tom had been telling her and Harry about it for the past week, sending them costume suggestions and going on and on about what songs he’d include in his jukebox, whatever that was. B’Elanna looked down at the circle skirt and tight black shirt she was wearing and sighed. Why would anyone wear this? It was impractical.

The door chime sounded and B’Elanna strode across her quarters to head to the holodeck. The doors swished open and she was greeted by Tom and Harry, both dressed in 1950’s styles. Tom was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket and Harry was dressed in dress pants, a black shirt and a white sweater with a large “S” on it in red letters with a small Starfleet Insignia pin. She hated to admit it, but Tom actually looked good….really good in fact. Maybe this wouldn’t be a terrible night. 

Tom Paris smiled down at her with a gleam in his eyes. “Hey baby, ready to cut a rug at the bash with this dreamboat? Or maybe we could ditch the sock hop and head to the passion pit instead?”

Nope, Tom had to open his mouth and ruin the moment. This would be awful. B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “I have no idea what you just said, but I feel like I should say no to all of that. And don’t ever call me baby.”

“Yes ma’am,” Tom drawled and the trio headed toward the holodeck, B'Elanna trying to walk faster so Tom didn't see the blush creeping up her cheeks. His stupid "yes ma'am" drawl that he saved especially for her made her feel something she wasn't sure she wanted.

Harry looked at B’Elanna’s skirt and pointed the fluff of brown fur on the side. “What is that?”

B'Elanna turned around and looked at them. “Well, Tom said the style was puppy skirts,” B’Elanna started.

“Poodle skirts,” Tom interjected. Harry still looked confused. 

“For some reason, the skirts had dogs on them, I don't know why. I decided to give it a 24th century update.”

Tom and Harry just stared at her.

“It’s a tribble!”

They both looked at the fluff again, still confused.

“It’s funny!” B’Elanna gave a huff. She thought it was clever, but they didn't seem to understand her joke.

“Uhhh…yeah, I get it now. That’s hilarious,” Harry managed. 

B’Elanna rolled her eyes and started to walk towards the turbolift. So they didn't get her humor. She liked it. “Come on, let’s get this sock hop over with.”

Harry just shrugged and Tom tried not to laugh. 

**********  
They reached the holodeck to see that Neelix had outdone himself this time. There were decorations everywhere and the resort program had been transformed. There were bright colors, streamers, red vinyl tables and barstools, and a large music player in the corner. 

“What is this supposed to be?” Harry asked.

“It’s a 1950’s diner,” Tom said, as if that explained everything. Seeing the blank look on his friends faces, he continued. “They were popular hangouts for teenagers. Food was cheap, the jukebox played music and here, there’s room for dancing. I even added a ’57 Chevy outside the resort, for authenticity,” Tom added, a devilish grin on his face. 

B’Elanna had no idea why, but the way Tom looked at her stomach flutter. Why did he have that affect on her? She turned away to try to find something to distract her.

“Come on, let’s go get a root beer float,” Tom put his arm around his friends shoulders. “And just wait until you see some of the other costume suggestions I gave. Harry, you’ll thank me later.” Tom whispered to his friend, leaning his head toward Lyndsay Ballard, dressed in tight leather pants.

“How many times do I have to tell you, we’re just friends?” Harry whined at his friends knowing look over their shoulders at the other ensign. 

“Harry, you are such a terrible liar,” B’Elanna teased. “You can’t hide it from us. You’re so obvious.” 

“I am not!” Harry tried to protest.

“Here some comes. Just ask her to dance,” Tom prodded. “It is a sock hop, dancing is what you do.” 

As Lyndsay made her way over to the group, Harry became visibly agitated. Tom and B’Elanna shared a glance of laughter at Harry’s stumbled hello. The group made small talk and Lyndsay managed to pull Harry away to greet other crewmembers. 

"He is so smitten," B'Elanna said smiling. "Poor Harry can't hide any emotion on his face." 

Tom looked at her with a flirty grin and started to open his mouth when Neelix approached. 

"Ah, Mr. Paris! Thank you so much for the decoration help. I think everyone is enjoying themselves, don't you?"

"It looks great in here. I can't even tell it's the same resort." At that Neelix beamed with pride. "I'm thinking something even more elaborate for the next event, maybe with more costumes and a new program design and.......oh, there's the Captain, excuse me," Neelix cried shoving a plate in B'Elanna's arms. 

"Another party? I think two in the past few months has been enough. I don't think my morale can take another boost," B'Elanna said dryly. Large gatherings always made her feel left out and uncomfortable. She much preferred smaller groups or even better, time to herself. "And what exactly is this supposed to be," she nodded to the plate of green wiggling mass with red dots spattered throughout. 

"I think that's supposed to be a Jell-O salad," Tom answered. "But if I were you, I wouldn't eat it. I'm not exactly sure what Neelix added to it."

Tom lead her over to the diner countertop so they could discard the plate of strange food. She looked around the holodeck and the crew seemed to be having a good time. People were laughing, commenting on their costumes, and some were even starting to dance.

"What is it about this century that fascinates you so much," she asked Tom.

"I've always been interested in history, but there's so much here! This is when flight, cars, and spaceships were invented. There was such an inventive spirit on Earth in this century, so much happening in a short amount of time and new technologies being created all the time. Between my father's constant lectures on the Prime Directive and survival skills, I wanted something more adventurous. This century had lots of adventure. Plus, it helped that it was one area I could excel where my father's knowledge was lacking."

"Ah, you had to be the smartest one in the room."

"Something like that."

"Here, try a root beer float. I think you'll like it." Tom handed B'Elanna a fizzing brown drink with an elaborate straw coming out of the top. She took a sip and twisted her mouth in surprise. 

"It's not bad," she commented, enjoying the flavors that mingled together.

"That's because I made sure Neelix replicated these instead of making them himself."

B'Elanna gave a small laugh. Tom touched her arm lightly and led her to a nearby table and she felt a small shiver up her spine. She wished his touch didn't do that to her, but no matter what she tried, she couldn't stop herself from enjoying his touch, wanting to be near him, spending time with him. She kept trying to shove thoughts of him out of her mind, but since their mission on Sakari, it was getting harder to do. She had tried avoiding him, told him she wanted to pretend the whole mission didn't happen. 

And they'd been doing a good job at that. They had professional conversations. They didn't look at each in staff meetings. Things were good. Until a couple of weeks ago when Harry had left her in the mess hall alone with Tom. It had been strange and awkward at first, but Tom made sure she didn't get a chance to run off that time. He had stopped her when she tried to leave, asked to her to please stay. The look in his eyes had gotten to her and she felt lost and confused again. She liked being with Tom, she had fun with him. They had even been flirting a little, at least she thought that's what they had been doing. But Tom could be like that with everyone. He liked to joke and tease, it wasn't because he wanted anything with her, it couldn't be. No one ever wanted to be with her like that. Usually guys were curious because they wanted to be with a Klingon. Or they gave up on her quickly because they couldn't stand her temper. She didn't like getting close to people because they would always break her heart, so she made sure she didn't. Distance was better, it kept her safe. A memory of Maxwell Burke, her boyfriend at the Academy, came back to her. "You're too much to handle, B'Elanna. Who could ever be with someone like you?" he had spit at her when they broke up, right after she called him a p'takh and slugged him in the nose.

But something nagged at the back of her mind the more time she spent with Tom Paris. A soft voice, his voice, saying _"you're afraid you're big scary Klingon side might have been showing. Well, I saw it up close and it wasn't so terrible. In fact, I wouldn't mind seeing it again someday."_ He couldn't have meant that. He was just baiting her, teasing her, and once he realized how frustrating her Klingon temper really was, he would give up on her, just like everyone else. As much as she kept telling herself that, there was something about Tom Paris that made her wonder if these thoughts were really as true as she was telling herself. She had lashed out at him on Sakari and he was still here. He kept inviting her to hang out, finding ways to be together, standing just a bit closer to her than he needed to, touching her. Tom Paris was utterly confusing and B'Elanna hated to be confused.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired in part by this photo: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/112660428165264426/
> 
> Also, I put small Scrubs and Hamilton reference into this one just because they both worked. Maybe you can find them.


End file.
